What would I give to be where you are?

USC EAT YOUR HEART OUT.
I turned in my application on timeeee!

Tell me I'm not the only person that's called another person a BUTTMUNCH before...

PSSST DQ'S.
ARE WE DOWN FOR PHO THIS FRIDAY?
(Not because I want to go to the game, but because I want pho with you guys one last time this fb season. :d )

All I gotta say is that I love punkin pie and I feel like I've fallen in love all over again, which hasn't happened in a while. :d

I TURNED IN MY UC APPS.
IRVINE, SAN DIEGO, LOS ANGELES.
All that's left to do is pray I get in hahahaha. <3

You told me you'd love me if I ever changed.
Welcome me back in your arms again.
Come on in out of the rain.

Why must Taylor Lautner be so damn delicious?!

FIRST OF ALL.
I WANT TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS TO MICHELLE FREAKNING WALLING FOR WINNING HER LEAGUE TITLE ON FRIDAY.
<33333333333333333333333333

Okay, I'll type normally now.
My weekend has been pretty busy. Kevin got sick on Thursday so I had to take over for a while. It never really struck me how codependent I am on him, he does a lot of the crap I don't want to do hahaha. So I've been cleaning dishes and whatnot.

Friday: We were supposed to go watch the Mesa League Championship game on Friday with my parents, but they decided last minute that they didnt want to....which kinda sucked because I was broke and had lent Jose my last twenty for his afterschool lunch with Nikko. So I was planning on just staying home, doing nothing. Then we got word that Bernadette would be coming over so I decided to use her as a way to go. (Because I really wanted to be there, if we hadn't won, that would have been the last football game of the year.)

Anyways, I am SO GLAD I went, it was one of the loudest and most fun games I've had all year. It was really intense the first two quarters, then half-time we started playing like normal again...and won it 28 - 14 I'm pretty sure. So just two more games until the Q~! Ahh my parents are so stoked for CIF championships. We're even taking Bernadettes family if they go hahahaha.

Saturday: Blah day til night time, we took Jose to go watch the Pacqiuao vs Cotto fight in Paradise Hills. Watched a video of the largest zit in the world, which...was gross. I'm not gonna lie. But I watched it and it wasn't as terrifying as I had anticipated. Then we watched Jose and Bryant play CoD. Then it was the fight.

Bloody as hell. D;


I'm kinda in the mood to make a video soon. A what's in my purse again? Cause things really have changed since then hahaha. That, and I put a desk into my room. So now I have a computer desk, and a working desk....thank god.




I plan on turning in my UC Apps this week.
Wish me luck! :D

And all I can do is just breathe.
I finally got the praise I deserved.
Jose gives good back rubs.
Life is great.

Alyssas getting a gym membership at LA Fitness and signed me up as her complimentary guest for 30 days.
SCORE.
But I'll be sad once those thirty days are over. :[

"Couples that are truly right for eachother wade through the same crap everyone else does. But the big difference is they don't let it take them down."

I think I'm starting to fall in love with USC.
it's like a disgusting cheesy love triangle.
Much like in Pride and Prejudice, but forgive me if I get this wrong.


Think of me as Lizzy, plain jane, nothing special, fairly smart.
Think of UCLA as Mr. Darcy,high class, rich, snobbish. Out of my league.
Think of USC as that officer man that Lizzy almost got with, has class, high ranks, prestige but more attainable than UCLA.


I keep reading stats with USC Acceptances and I match up occassionally.
I can breathe a little now.





Today was amazingly productive.
Short nap.
Letters of reccommendation packets printed for Hoffman, Dr. Leete and one more teacher...not quite sure yet. Domingo is out of the question by now. :[
Maybe Ms. Wood. She loved me anyways.
I made my sports layouts for yearbook.
Alyssa needs help with them tomorrow.
I love her and all, but I'm getting tired of her using my stuff.
Oh well. :/
NTS: Buy Boot Bonita tshirt for friday! :D

I used to laugh when I would see posts about highschool seniors dreading college applications.
And now that I'm here, I'm in that very same position.
It's nice to know where I'm headed, especially when picking a major.
I'll tell my brother to focus soon, he's just as lost as a lot of people I know. But the thing is, is he has time.
He doesn't want to be an engineer anymore, and I think that's perfectly alright.
But now he wants to be a doctor. That doesn't settle well with me.
But my parents are ecstatic. Two doctors in the family? They're shitting rainbows and butterflies, that's just how happy they are about it.
I just want to be my own person I suppose.
They say copying is the sincerest form of flattery, but I am the worst when it comes to that.
If I see someone with something I've done or own.
I need to change.


I need to be different.
Or bluntly put, better.



I hate being selfish, but it's so hard.

Oh UCLA, why must I love you so much?
I wish I could just fast forward to march already.
Rejection or not, I just want some closure.


I didn't think I was capable of crying over school.

This week has been sluggish, not gonna lie.


Jose and I get on eachothers nerves all the time.
But the one good thing about that is that the best kisses come after!
Hahahaha.

...do I want to be a nurse?
I had a little breakdown today.
Do I have what it takes to become a doctor?
I have the passion, and the love for all things medicine.
But is it enough to get me that doctor-of-medicine degree?


Sometimes I think, "Maybe I should be a nurse, it's a thousand times easier and have a decent to amazing shot at making a good program."
Sometimes I think, "Becoming a doctor might keep me from having a happy marriage, or start a family at the right time."
Sometimes I think, "Nurses make good money, I'll have a life."

Then I think...Like in economics...about opportunity cost.
What would giving up my dream of becoming a doctor cause me to lose?
I would lose the satisfaction of having what I've wanted the most, career-wise.
I would lose that hefty (but oh so beautiful) yearly salary.
I would lose making making my own schedule.
I would lose getting those Christian Louboutins, Manolos, Jimmy Choos.
I would lose the fancy house in the suburbs.
I would lose the satisfaction of graduating as a doctor in medicine.
I would lose the "DRBORJA" license plate on my little silver Mercedes Benz CLK.
I would lose the Dr. in my name, period. ;;

But I think, what keeps me from persuing nursing, is the fact that I'd be succumbing to these expecations built up based on my culture alone. I don't want to be another light brown face in the hospital distrubuting medicine and calculating blood glucose levels. I don't want to follow in my moms footsteps, I want to go beyond them. (Though, I am VERY proud of my mothers lifetime achievements, Sharp has been good to her.)

And part of me wants to fill in that void in my moms heart. She denies it, but I know that it's there. She was going to be a doctor, top of her class, accepted at the best medical university availible in the Philippines, had amazing scores...but her money wasn't enough. As of late, she's gotten in touch with her friends from highschool, some of which were doctors, businessmen, lawyers etc. And I can tell she feels belittled in comparison to them.

I want to become a doctor for my mother, so that in some twisted way, she'll finally become a doctor through me. I mean, it's the least I can do for her, considering everything she's been through and done for me and my brother. And we have the resources to make it happen, I just need to use them.

But becoming a doctor isn't just because I wanted to pick up where my mother left off.
It's beyond that as well.
I feel, ever since I started working at the hospital and working with children at church, that taking care of people is what I was put here to do. Whether it's diagnosing classmates, and occasionally getting it right. (Score one for predicting dads tonsillitis and my classmates TMJ!) Or if it's nitpicking stuff out of Loris's hair that came down from out tree...


I NEED to be needed.
I have a knack for trying to help people to the best of my ability and an addiction to that feeling I get when I do something right, something productive, something potentially life-saving or beneficial.

 

And if becoming a doctor is the only way to get my fix.
So be it.



I just need someone to snap me of becoming a nurse every once in a while, cause I swear to god, it sounds really good right now.

Cons:
My grades are crap this year.
I've never had more than one C on a progress report in my life.
AP Calculus is kicking my ass, but lately I've been trying really hard. I've done all my assignments and studied, that's all I really can do.
I live my AP Calculus dreams vicariously through Jose haha, he's number one in the class.
The pressure to graduate in white. I'm so close, it's killing me.

Pros:
I am satisfied with my UC Prompts, I just need to finish one hahaha.
I think I'm dropping NYU and keeping USC as a high reach school.
Lately I've been all lovey dovey, as gross as that sounds. I just have the really big urge to be affectionate. Not necessarily dirty or anything, no grinding, or making out, blah blah. I just want to be together. :P
Chanel doesn't like me, that makes me laugh inside.
Hinkle took a good photo of me and Jose on Saturday and I want it.
I figured out what I am going to do for christmas presents! :p

One happy thing:

I think I am the luckiest girl ever. I love Jose guyzzz. ;v;


But I just wanted to say that I hate when I feel like I havent tried hard enough.
The scores I get, the grades I "achieve". People give me too much credit.
And I hate it.


Because I know that if I actually TRIED and studied when I said I would, and do all my work, like my vocabulary for Honors Anatomy, and really pay attention in class, and sacrifie my sleep for homework...
I could be Liliana.
I could be Kristen.
I could be Kayla.


But because I am lazy, and do nothing, and spend my time watching tv and taking facebook quizes, I am Nicole Borja, Number 58 out of 584.

...and yet another reason to hate myself for not being as prestigious as my mother...

I haven't had the time to make my sacramento post, its short though...but still.

It was back-to-school week, and I AM EXHAUSTED.

The start of the week was rough, doing work was harder than I thought but everything turned out the way I hoped. This past thursday and friday I had finally gotten back into my routine of working downstairs.

I heard Michelle beat that Otay girl who always seems to show up on the front of the Star Newspaper even though Michelle is FIRST in the league. Bias much? (Note to self: Talk to Hinkle about contacting photographer of Star for photography.) SO GOOD JOB MIJA. <3 I already told her my story, shits legit. ;;


Tuesday and Wednesday were full menu.
Senior field photos were on wednesday and I didnt realize how much bigger I have gotten. UGHHH. LOSE WEIGHT NAOOOW.
Or maybe charmander color is so not my color? :d JK i loved it.


Tuesday was the day that football took their photos. I didnt realize I was on tv for a short second til I watched Prep Pigskin Report, you could see the back of my sweatshirt that said 68 MITCHELL on it. So I stayed afterschool with Alyssa and Sue to supervise and introduce myself to Coach Mac, he's so intimidating but once I got talking, and once he realized I was Jose's girlfriend, we had a decent talk. I was also able to get a cd full of pictures taken from the last 5 games for back-up in case I hate all the photos the Varsity Photographers take or whatnot. Or by some sick curse, all the computers lose their photos. Josephs dad is such a sweetheart haha, he sounds and talks exactly like Joseph...tripped me out. :d

Football players are silly. I swear for five whole minutes as they were setting up for their team photo, Tony Jefferson starts a chant of "MITCHELLS GIRLFRIEND *clapclapclapclap*" I shouldn't have worn my sweatshirt.

BY MONDAY I NEED TO HAVE A LAYOUT ON PAPER. Fffff.

Thursday, I finished one UC Prompt about my arms. I think it's kinda lame, but I'm gonna turn it into Gillet and see what he says.


Friday, well.
Friday, it started out okay. Then in AP Calc we started talking about college and whatnot and that was stressing me out. Then, the urgency to get press passes from Alex settled in and I was getting impatient, considering I needed them that evening. I proceeded to finally ask my mom about the football game and Michelles race, and that I couldn't go to Michelles race because I've been "doing too much" and that I'm still too young to be doing a lot. Blah blah blah.


So the plan was that I was going to go to Joses house til 3:30 and leave by then to watch michelles race and be home by 4. But once I got to Joses around 3, because alex took forever to make paper temporary press passes, we fell asleep in his room and woke up around 3:40, I then got a call from kevin saying that mom called less than a minute ago to tell us that she was on her way home and buying Mcdonalds for dinner. (He covered for me, said I was in the bathroom and even fake-spoke to me hahaha.) So I apologized to his lola for leaving so soon, and ran to my car. I literally went 60 down eastlake parkway and then zoomed all the way home just in time before my parents, who showed up 7 - 10 minutes later. Biggest scare of my life!

That is why I missed Michelles race. D;

But the Hilltop game was fun. I got to stand on the field the whole time, which was amusing. I was telling Amy that I was amused simply because I could observe Joses butt from a much closer perspective. :P 
Anyways, I am loving this sideline thing. To be close to all the action makes me crazy hahaha.
Final score: 49 - 10. Hilltop was pathetic.

And today, I went to the hospital and parked backwards for the first time, by myself without assistance by my father. :P 
Then Jose came over for a while.
Then I finished my calc homework and most of the Anatomy packet and some vocab.
I feel super productive.




tldr;

i had a rough week. i finished a uc essay. i started my application for usc. i almost got busted.
i love football. i did yearbook shit. i love working at the hospital. i was productive today.

It's a miracle.

I finished one UC Prompt.
I was thinking...why haven't I written about my arms?

So I did.
It's called "Monkey Girl"